


The Most Important Half of the Truth

by Miss_Vanderwaal



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-14 18:26:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11788887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Vanderwaal/pseuds/Miss_Vanderwaal
Summary: A story about priorities.





	1. Stay out of it

\- What do you mean she had a breakdown? – Hanna’s lips trembled, her stomach began bubbling up with fear – She was fine yesterday.

\- Those kinds of setbacks tend to be pretty sudden and common in patients like Mona – Eddie Lamb told her kindly over the phone. – She’s stable now, though. She’s been medicated and she’s gonna be fine again soon.

   Hanna could hear a reassuring smile in the man’s smooth tone, which she highly appreciated. Most doctors and nurses didn’t try to tranquilize visitors like that. Although, a big part of Hanna’s distress was still in her chest.

\- Then why can’t I see her?

   There was a considerably long silence on the other end of the line. Eddie sighed.

\- Look, I’m not at liberty to say this to anyone who’s not her immediate family, but I will only because you girls’ connection seem to be pretty strong. Your visits helped her immensely and I think you have the right to know.    

   For a second, Hanna’s lips curved up into a tiny smile and her cheeks got warm. _That’s true,_ she thought, just before starting to panic once again.

\- Know what?

\- The Radley board wants to move Mona to a more resourceful facility, in Saratoga Springs, New York.

   Hanna tightened her grip around her cell phone; her fingers were sweating.

\- But… but you said those setbacks are common in patients like her. Do they move all those patients too?

   There was audible sorrow and compassion in Eddie’s next sigh.

\- In Mona’s case, it’s not _just_ a normal setback. You see, when I went to check on her this morning, I found a pair of tweezers with her. She’s been self harming. The tips of her fingers were bleeding, her forearms were scratched.

   With that, Hanna’s legs turned into mere noodles. She sat on one of the kitchen counter stools, dizzy, as her eyes began filling with tears.

\- Oh, my God… – Hanna whispered, a hand covering her mouth. It was _her_ pair of tweezers. She had gone to Radley a few days ago with the intention of giving Mona a makeover of sorts. _How_ hadn’t she realized that she had left the freaking tweezers behind? – I’m so sorry.

   The apology was more so to Mona than to Eddie.

\- Don’t blame yourself – the man said, yet reassuringly. – Many times a mental patient’s only tool to self harm is their own body; hands, teeth, nails. So it’s hard to actually prevent such a thing from happening. That’s why Mona is heavily sedated right now.

   Hanna propped an elbow onto the counter and rested her head on her hand, letting out something between a sigh and a sob. She was realizing for the first time that none of the things Mona had done in the past had been done on purpose. The girl had never had any control over it – her hyperreal self – and yet Hanna had always thought Mona was guilty of something. Not anymore, though. Now Hanna was learning that someone had said something so cruel to Mona that the brunette had felt like she was worthy of nothing besides pain.

\- She can’t go – Hanna murmured to no one in particular. She was almost entirely hopeless, speaking as if Mona was at the verge of death. – Isn’t there any way she can stay at Radley?

 - Well, yes. If her family is not able to pay for her staying at the new location, for example, they’ll not insist – Eddie informed. – To be quite honest with you, I don’t think that transferring her will be the problem solver – his tone lowered, as if he was giving Hanna a secret advice for her to win some kind of battle. – A better infrastructure is useless if there’s no organic support system around. So, why don’t you try and have a word with her mother? Maybe you can convince her that what Mona really needs right now is to be close to people who make her feel at home.

   Hanna managed to smile, actually feeling a little more hopeful.

\- I’ll most definitely try. Thank you.

\- You’re welcome, and listen: she called for you today, several times. I promised her I’d get in touch with you. Just another little something I thought you should know.

   Hanna’s smile widened and the tears that gathered in her eyes weren’t of fear or guilt this time. She thought of the little girl with braided hair and glasses who had simply wanted to have someone by her side. Perhaps there was still time to give hope to that little girl.

\- Tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can – Hanna said as the back door was opening smoothly behind her. – And, please, let me know if anything changes.

   Eddie assured her with an “absolutely” before hanging up.

\- Next Saturday, you, me, the tenth row – Caleb announced, stepping closer to Hanna and showing her a pair of tickets to a Bon Iver concert.

   She eyed the two pieces of paper and let go of her phone, turning to him with a clenched heart.

\- Okay, this is the part where you’re supposed to scream, jump up and kiss me – Caleb pointed out. – What’s going on?

   Hanna sighed, sliding a fingertip over an eyebrow, nervously.

\- I just got off the phone with Eddie Lamb and he told me that Mona had a breakdown after someone went to visit her last night. And now I can’t see her anymore. There’s a different staff for night shifts at Radley so Eddie didn’t get to see who the person was. Seriously, I’m ready to strangle Lucas if he has something to do with that.

   As Hanna spoke, Caleb lowered his head. His gaze was pinned on the kitchen floor by the time she concluded.

\- It wasn’t Lucas – Caleb stated, seeming and sounding partly ashamed. – It was me.

   Hanna glared at him, frowning in disbelief.

\- What? Why would you go there without me?

\- Because I needed to talk to her.

   Hanna blinked in confusion. The idea of Caleb and Mona actually _talking_ had never seemed like a real possibility, ever, let alone after all the A fiasco. She started feeling a little nauseous.

\- Caleb, what did you say to her? – she asked in a low, dead serious tone.

\- Nothing… much… really.

   Hearing the gawkiness in his words and seeing the way he wasn’t looking directly at her made Hanna’s lips purse with anger.

\- Did you, by any chance, use words like _crazy_ or _monster_ while “talking” to her? – she air-quoted the last verb and then crossed her arms – You know, words that you so love to use whenever you’re talking to someone else about her besides me.

   Caleb didn’t respond to that, just put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and looked the other way. There was Hanna’s answer.

\- Do you have any idea of what you’ve jeopardized going there, Caleb? – Hanna battled with her own anger to keep her voice down and her huge mix of other feelings undersurface as well. – She was making progress with me. Yesterday she looked me in the eye and talked about wanting to get better. About wanting to _make_ people like her get better, too, by becoming a therapist in the future, as ridiculously ironic as it may seem – she chuckled humorlessly while her eyes got watery once more. – But now she’s there, out like a broken lamp again, after spending the night piercing herself with my tweezers, running the risk of being shipped off to a town in New York I can’t even pinpoint on a map.

   Caleb seemed a bit taken aback by the last couple pieces of information. Perhaps he was getting ready to say that he hadn’t meant for that to happen, but Hanna felt it was too late for an apology anyway.

\- The only thing I told her was for her to stop messing with you.

\- I didn’t ask you to do that – Hanna replied in a reflex, blue eyes coldly pinned onto brown ones. – I’m not afraid of her. Not anymore. And no matter how badly you think she’s still hurting me, I’m gonna keep going back there. _Alone._ Eddie says my visits have been helping both her and me heal.

\- Why are you listening to a guy you barely know instead of me?

   Hanna threw her head back in a laugh; a bitter, but real, one. It was actually funny. Enragingly funny.

\- Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you went to nursing school and specialized in taking care of mentally ill people.

\- Eddie doesn’t know everything that I know – Caleb raised his voice.

\- And _what_ do you know, Caleb? – Hanna was finally louder and it felt good; liberating – Do you know how many times I just stood there and watched people squirt glue into Mona’s locker? And push her and put their feet in front of her in the school hallways so she would trip? Do you know that once Alison left a rag doll with a knife plunged to its back at Mona’s doorstep? No, you don’t. You know nothing about her and I just came to the conclusion that you know very little about me.

   Hanna took a moment to breathe, which allowed Caleb to sink all of that in. He looked hurt but Hanna didn’t care, just like he didn’t care about Mona.

\- If you’re not gonna help me bring my best friend back into my life, stay out of it.

   With that, Hanna walked out of the house, proud and relieved, before Caleb had the chance to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was based off of a scene in 3x04, in which Hanna and Caleb talk about Mona's breakdown. Caleb infuriates me in that scene so much. In here, though, Hanna says to him everything I wish she would've said.
> 
> Ps: originally, Hanna talks with Wren on the phone, not with Eddie Lamb, but I couldn't care less about Wren and Eddie is actually a very nice guy, so yeah :)


	2. Each other's best things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to writing about my original OTP after spending nearly a month immersed in the world of Kadena (who else is obsessed?).

   Hanna was feeling a little jittery by the time she rang the door bell outside Leona Vanderwaal’s house, but, at the same time, she felt very in the right place, if that made sense. Both Caleb and the argument that had happened a moment ago were no longer in Hanna’s mind. She had some serious damage control to do, after all.

   Mona’s mom swung the door open and gave Hanna a perplexed look of sorts.

\- Hanna! – the woman smiled right after and the gesture was definitely wistful. – My, this is what I call a big surprise.

   She didn’t specify whether the surprise was a good one or not, though. It seemed like she was happy to see Hanna, but also sad because the fact that the girl was there obviously brought her memories of when her daughter was healthy. Hanna gave Leona an equally wistful smile.

\- Hi, Mrs. V –  the youngest greeted very softly. – May I come in?

\- Please, do – Leona kindly gestured for Hanna to step inside. – Take a seat.

   Hanna walked slowly towards the couch in the living room, her heels clunking into the quietness of the house.

\- Would you like some coffee? – Leona offered, hands folded close to her midsection as if she was a bit nervous as well – Tea, maybe?

\- No, I’m good, thank you.

   Leona smiled once more, seeming to be a little more at ease.

\- Oh, come on, don’t give me that. You and Mona had countless picnics upstairs.

   Hanna couldn’t help but chuckle silently at the memory. There was warmth in Leona’s tone; familiarity. She spoke as if Hanna and Mona had never stopped being best friends.

\- Coffee would be great.

   Leona nodded, turning on her heel and leaving Hanna momentarily alone to go to the kitchen. The girl took a deep breath and scanned the room until her eyes landed on a couple of framed pictures on the fireplace. One of those was of a little Mona – three or four years old, maybe – in the arms of her uncle Ned, Leona’s older brother by a few years. In that picture, Mona, who was in a flowery dress, had her tiny hands on the man’s cheeks and they were seemingly laughing at an inside joke. That was the best kind of picture, in Hanna’s conception; the kind you don’t realize it’s being taken, therefore, it portrays real fun.  

   The second picture was one of a grown Mona beside her mother; both of them had wide smiles on their faces. It probably had been taken some time after Mona decided to begin her makeover process; she was wearing an orange strapless dress and her long hair was straightened to perfection. Both her face and her posture were showing nothing but pure confidence. She looked like the Mona she had always wanted to be. Radiant. Beautiful.

   Hanna blinked away from that small trance of sorts, realizing she was ever so slightly teary-eyed, once Leona emerged from the kitchen holding a tray with two cups of coffee and some butter cookies on it.

\- I would’ve made chocolate chip cookies if I’d known you were coming – Leona informed, setting the tray onto the coffee table and sitting on the couch at Hanna’s left side. – Are they still your favorite?

   Hanna’s heart melted a little at the question. Leona had always tried to make her feel at home there.

\- Yes, they still are – Hanna smiled. – Thank you for remembering.

   The woman nodded once again, slightly, as if saying it was no big deal. Then, she glanced briefly down at her black pleated skirt.

\- So, to what do I owe your visit? – she smiled as well, clearly trying hard to sound somewhat cheerful.

   Hanna inhaled sharply, looking away. She hadn’t thought of what she was going to say on her way there. She had only hoped that Leona would listen to whatever came from her heart and maybe understand where she was coming from with that.

\- I heard about the possibility of Mona being transferred to a hospital in New York. – Hanna began, weakly. – But, before we get into that, may I ask you something?

   Leona gave Hanna a tiny “sure!” type of smile.

\- Do you know the reasons why Mona did what she did?

   The woman looked at Hanna as if she hadn’t expected the girl would be that straightforward. Frankly, Hanna was surprised as well.

\- No – Leona answered after taking a moment to think. – It was all so sudden. So frightening. She had never shown any signs of… what that doctor said she has. I don’t even remember what it’s called anymore. The point is whenever I stop to think about it, it feels like I’m on the edge of a dark abyss, hearing my own voice in my head saying “What kind of mother am I? Why haven’t I paid more attention to my baby girl?”.

   The woman’s eyes were flooded by the time she concluded. Hanna instinctively moved closer to her and put an arm on her shoulders.

\- Listen – the youngest said in a low, hopefully reassuring tone, putting her other hand on top of Leona’s –, what happened to Mona was a lot of people’s fault, but you’re most definitely _not_ a part of that group of people, I guarantee you.

   Leona sniffled and wiped the tears from under her eyes, quietly, as if she didn’t quite believe what Hanna was saying.

\- Alison DiLaurentis was a part of it, though – the girl added, not knowing what reaction to expect.

\- Alison? – Leona questioned, vaguely – I don’t get it. Mona used to talk her up all the time, saying how popular and admirable she was.

   Hanna’s heart clenched. All of that had started only because Mona had wanted to be friends with Alison and Alison had constantly repelled Mona as if she had been inside a magnetic field.

\- Well, Mona kept a lot of things from you because she clearly didn’t want you to worry. In fact, I’m sure she wouldn’t approve of me telling you this, but Alison was a bully. She was cruel to a lot of kids at our school, but especially to Mona. And I was friends with her at the time, meaning I didn’t do anything to stop the bullying at first. That’s why I am to blame, too. That’s why a whole nother side of Mona hated me and my friends. I’ve let _a lot_ of things happen that I shouldn’t have and there isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t regret it.

   Leona seemed to be a little hurt by all that information, unsurprisingly, but she soon pushed that feeling away, shaking her head.

\- There was no way you could know about what was gonna happen to her – she said, softly. It was like she didn’t want those facts to overlap the affection that she felt for Hanna, which moved the blonde deeply.

\- Yeah, but I should’ve known that nothing good ever comes from bullying – Hanna insisted in the same softness, not moving her hand away form Leona’s. – I could’ve prevented something in the long run. What I came here to say, though, is that I understand Mona. All too well. Even before I want to understand her. And that’s because we came from the same place. I _know_ it could be me in Radley, in that robe, in those slippers, because Alison also bullied me, about my weight, about the fact that I developed bulimia, thanks to _her_ , ironically. But, to me, she used to say all that using nicer words so I wouldn’t realize it was actual bullying. I did realize it, though, with time and with Mona’s help – she paused to take a deep breath. – I was in a really bad place when Mona came into my life, with my dad leaving and Alison’s disappearance. I had no one, my friends and I had lost touch because it was awkward for us to be around each other without Alison, my mom and I barely talked because it was awkward for us to be around each other without my dad. I had everything to sink into depression and whatnot. But Mona didn’t let that happen. She literally pulled out of my bed one day and took me shopping, making it all go away in a heartbeat. And whenever we would split a plate of fries, she didn’t look at me like Alison used to. Her eyes were much kinder, thanks to _you._

   Hanna squeezed Leona’s hand tenderly. The woman’s eyes were flooded once again, but not with tears of anguish or sadness. It was as if part of her was too taken aback by Hanna’s power of indulgence. Hanna wasn’t thinking of herself as _indulgent_ necessarily, she was simply focusing on what was more important.

\- With all of this, I just wanna say: please, don’t let them take her even further away – Hanna added, her pleading eyes pinned onto Leona’s. – I thought I’d come here and ask you to do that by saying _she’d_ feel lost there, but _I’d_ feel lost without her. In fact, I’m already lost, because Mona was my safe place for years. I haven’t adjusted to not having her around yet, and I don’t know if I ever will.

   As Hanna spoke, she realized just how big was the void that Mona had left in her heart. Leona placed her other hand on top of Hanna’s.

\- Mona’s not going anywhere, sweetie – the woman told her, reassuringly. – I’ll think of something to tell the board at Radley today.

\- I heard claiming financial incapacity helps – Hanna blurted out in a reflex, making Leona chuckle.

\- I’ll try to remember that – she paused to take a deep breath, her hand still warmly over Hanna’s as if the blonde was her daughter from another mother. – You know, Mona loved to read. I was always so proud of how smart and hardworking she was. But for a while I thought her books were all she had. Until you came into her life. I will never forget the look in her eyes the first day she brought you home. I had never seen her so happy and so… _relieved._ Now that you told me about Alison, it makes sense, but, God, you should’ve seen the way she talked to me about you – she paused yet again, smiling and slightly shaking her head. She knew. And she seemed to be very much okay with that. – That’s why I don’t care about the disorders, about the bullying, about anything. I _know_ my daughter and I know that you were the best thing that ever happened to her.

   By the time Leona concluded, Hanna’s heart was bursting into flames. She hugged the woman thankfully while her chest expanded with gratitude, hope and a bunch of other good feelings.

   Hanna knew that the truth was split in half. Mona had been both the best _and_ the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Although, one of those halves was undeniably bigger. So much so that the other one didn’t even matter at the moment, and Hanna prayed for it to never matter again.

\- Mona was the best thing that ever happened to me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say that I had this whole conversation in my head ever since 5x14 (in which Leona had that sweet talk with Hanna in Mona's room). I would have much rathered have a moment like this than the scene we had, with Hanna talking to those boring men at Radley who clearly didn't give a damn about what she was saying. Plus, Leona is such a fond of Hanna! We have only two scenes of them together, but it's undeniable that Leona would love to have Hanna as a daughter-in-law :3


End file.
